Saturday, May 21, 2011

Rapture Tonight

I am a Christian.  To that end, I want to extend a helping hand to those who believe the rapture is tonight.  If you still have possessions or money in your bank account, it shows an alarming lack of faith in your leader's prophecy.

To that end, let me help you with your piety.  Please give me all your money and possessions.  I will use your stuff for my own heathen use and spend your money for you.  Since you will not be here tomorrow, you won't need it.

Please don't thank me.  It's a burden, for sure, but one I will gladly bear.

Oh yeah, and when you wake up tomorrow morning, do your best to stay out of sight.  We Christians are eminently capable of embarrassing ourselves.  Since you have just accomplished that, don't make it worse.


Anonymous said...

Lol. Silly guy. Not as silly as that false prophet though! :-)

Maura said...

My husband's birthday is Sunday. He was eminently pleased that he WOULDN'T have to face turning 49, as the Rapture is tonight. Then I pointed out to him that given certain past indiscretions, there is a strong possibility people like his pious father will be gone, but he and I will remain. He made such a close imitation of Homer's "D'oh!" noise, it was impressive...